" I was only thirteen years old at the time, and much too young at that point in my life to have a grasp on even the basics of what life was about. Nevertheless, there I was, sitting in the middle of a stadium filled with people, most of whom were intently listening to a preacher who was explaining the precious gift that a loving heavenly Father was pleased to offer to a lost world. Oh, I had heard the story many times before. And I had previously accepted that it was true. I knew in my heart that salvation was something I needed. But this time there was something different. This time something made the message speak to me, as if it was a personal invitation Christ was offering. It was at this moment that I came face-to-face with the reality that I had to make a decision. From this time forward, I was going to be held accountable and would have to answer to God for who and what I was before Him. Since I accepted that I did not fit the high standard of perfect righteousness that the Holy Creator required, it was clear to me that I was lacking what was needed if I expected to stand before Him without fear of judgment. I needed the redemption that He offered. And further, it was something I wanted. Moreover, I knew it was something I could get. All I had to do was respond to the gracious gift that the Father was pleased to offer through the finished work of His Son. So I gave my answer to God's invitation as given through Billy Graham and went forward, in public, to make a profession of faith in Christ.
...Now I was saved. And somehow I was different—I knew it—though I could not explain it. I could feel it! And what a joy filled my heart to confirm this fact. I had accepted Christ! I had eternal life, and with it I had an intense desire to please the One who had given me such a wonderful gift. I had changed inside, in some way, and because of this change I was convinced that my outward walk in life would be different from now on. Furthermore, since I was not a child of God, I could serve Him. I could please the One who had so wonderfully blessed me.
...Now I was saved. And somehow I was different—I knew it—though I could not explain it. I could feel it! And what a joy filled my heart to confirm this fact. I had accepted Christ! I had eternal life, and with it I had an intense desire to please the One who had given me such a wonderful gift. I had changed inside, in some way, and because of this change I was convinced that my outward walk in life would be different from now on. Furthermore, since I was not a child of God, I could serve Him. I could please the One who had so wonderfully blessed me.
These were my thoughts at that time—thoughts that have occurred in the minds of new believers since the time of Pentecost. And so, in a manner somewhat like Jacob who had received the blessing (Gen. 32:24–30), I set out to serve God, in my way, and as best as I knew how. And because of this, the next twenty-some years of my Christian walk consisted of what all too often could be compared to a roller coaster ride of faith. Why? Though I had the seed of the Spirit of life in me, I was unable to break out of the fruitless cycle that I was in, and into the freedom and victorious life that were available to me as described in the Scriptures. What was the reason? I was not told, nor did I realize, that I was still lacking a strong foundation in the first principles of Christ (Heb. 6:1–3).
In the midst of all those years of struggle and frustration, of ups and downs, little did I know that the grace of God had never left me. However, because of my ignorance as to the conflict that existed within me, there were many times when I even doubted my salvation experience. It was not until later in my life that God revealed to me the truth that it was, in fact, His grace that was still with me, patiently waiting and working toward the time when I would learn the next lesson of faith—the lesson I had been so reluctant to learn since that day, years ago, when I became saved. And no wonder that it took so long for me to see this truth. Throughout the entire course of our spiritual lives, this lesson is probably the most difficult lesson we, as Christians, have to learn.
At the beginning of our Christian lives, and as a result of our new inborn sense, we are overwhelmed with the feelings of ecstasy and joy that usually accompany those who have been forgiven of their sins. Though on the one hand these feelings are the confirmation we have in our hearts that we are accepted before God, on the other hand we actually stumble in the face of this newfound approval. We assume that salvation makes us so fully accepted before God that He will be pleased with whatever we offer to Him, so long as it appears to stem from our good intentions. However, at this point in our spiritual lives, we are still ignorant of the fact that God makes distinctions that we are not yet mature enough, nor discerning enough, to make. You see, He still rejects all that emanates from our flesh, just as He did before we were saved. The change that has taken place upon our receiving Christ has only touched our spirits; as of yet, it has not entered into the realm of our souls, not to mention our bodies. But in our ignorance, with our desire to return the favor that has been bestowed on us we set out to serve Him with some of the very things He came to deliver us from. And so, we offer up to Him the works of our flesh.
This was the spiritual lesson that took me over twenty years of my life to learn. Why? Because God through the Holy Spirit has the task of teaching us something we do not want to see or recognize about ourselves. It is very similar to the people of Israel as they journeyed in the wilderness. Why was God testing them? What was He trying to teach them all those years? He was making repeated attempts at revealing something to a people ignorant of who and what they really were. They were a people who made repeated promises, and yet a people who were not equipped to follow through with their word—a people who murmured and grumbled at every test God placed in their path. Hence, the lesson of their wilderness trials was for them to know what was in their hearts—to know themselves. (See Deuteronomy 8:2) Like His people of old, I did not know myself very well. As a result, I spent years making repeated attempts at pleasing God, and inevitably failing. Finally in desperation, I gave up. I had reached the end of myself. I threw in the towel and admitted total defeat. This was seven years ago, but what I did not know at the time was that the end of myself is the very place where God begins.
I was now ready to learn what I had been so reluctant to accept in the past. As a result, God began to make drastic changes in my life, both external and internal. Though at times it felt more like I was clinging on for dear life rather than just learning to follow the leading of the Spirit, the results slowly began to be manifest. Over the period of the next few years, I entered into what I had yearned for: growth and maturity in spirit. I must admit that this growth was not without cost, but what price can be put on things of an eternal value? What is too high a price for that which is pleasing to the Lord?
It was during this time that the Lord brought a brother to me to assist in laying the foundation that was needed for my growth in the Lord. He tutored me on the importance of daily devotions in the Word and the need for quiet times. As these began to have an effect on my walk and fellowship with the Lord, they also kindled a strong inward desire to read and learn even more. After a few years, when these disciplines that I would need to cary me forward throughout the rest of my spiritual life were thoroughly instilled in me, the Lord was gracious in bringing before me a number of saints who took notice of what had now become an intense desire to know and understand more of the Lord. Counsel was offered that I read the works of someone I had never heard of, a man named Watchman Nee. It was explained to me that his understanding of the Lord and spiritual matters went very deep. After having had his name confirmed by a number of witnesses, I followed the advice and purchased a few of his books at the local bookstore.
As I began reading, I could sense in my spirit that this man had come to know God in a very intimate way. However, his work was not what I would consider quick reading, and much of it was quite difficult to grasp. It was not until a year or two later that I fully came to understand why: it is difficult for the flesh to grasp the things of the spirit. Nevertheless, I was not about to let that deter me, so I continued to consume as much as I could of the writings of Watchman Nee. That was in 1994. By the end of 1996, I was finishing the last of what was available through the local bookstore, which amounted to over sixty books. To this day, I have not ceased being thankful to the Lord for this servant and for having access to the insights he has given.
Though I have read the works of many Christian authors, there are few who come close to Watchman Nee in their depth of understanding and, more specifically, in their ability to expound upon the subjective, practical experiences that are inherent in spiritual life. No matter what stage a Christian is in as far as his walk and maturity, the strengths and weaknesses of each are examined in detail throughout Nee's writings—which leads us to the reason you have this book before you. As I was nearing the end of what was available by Watchman Nee, the Lord laid a burden on my heart to share some of the many wonderful insights that had been so helpful to me in my spiritual walk and growth. And though I had the desire to share, it grieved me that the average Christian would never have the time and the opportunity to be fed with the most meat of the Word as I had been through his prolific writings. For this reason, I set about to extract many of those powerful insights, combining them into a book that would facilitate their being made readily available to the body of Christ, as well as in a format that was easy to consume.
The result is before you. It is my prayer that the Lord would bless you through this compilation as much as I was blessed through my reading of the original works of this humble and faithful servant of the Lord."
In the midst of all those years of struggle and frustration, of ups and downs, little did I know that the grace of God had never left me. However, because of my ignorance as to the conflict that existed within me, there were many times when I even doubted my salvation experience. It was not until later in my life that God revealed to me the truth that it was, in fact, His grace that was still with me, patiently waiting and working toward the time when I would learn the next lesson of faith—the lesson I had been so reluctant to learn since that day, years ago, when I became saved. And no wonder that it took so long for me to see this truth. Throughout the entire course of our spiritual lives, this lesson is probably the most difficult lesson we, as Christians, have to learn.
At the beginning of our Christian lives, and as a result of our new inborn sense, we are overwhelmed with the feelings of ecstasy and joy that usually accompany those who have been forgiven of their sins. Though on the one hand these feelings are the confirmation we have in our hearts that we are accepted before God, on the other hand we actually stumble in the face of this newfound approval. We assume that salvation makes us so fully accepted before God that He will be pleased with whatever we offer to Him, so long as it appears to stem from our good intentions. However, at this point in our spiritual lives, we are still ignorant of the fact that God makes distinctions that we are not yet mature enough, nor discerning enough, to make. You see, He still rejects all that emanates from our flesh, just as He did before we were saved. The change that has taken place upon our receiving Christ has only touched our spirits; as of yet, it has not entered into the realm of our souls, not to mention our bodies. But in our ignorance, with our desire to return the favor that has been bestowed on us we set out to serve Him with some of the very things He came to deliver us from. And so, we offer up to Him the works of our flesh.
This was the spiritual lesson that took me over twenty years of my life to learn. Why? Because God through the Holy Spirit has the task of teaching us something we do not want to see or recognize about ourselves. It is very similar to the people of Israel as they journeyed in the wilderness. Why was God testing them? What was He trying to teach them all those years? He was making repeated attempts at revealing something to a people ignorant of who and what they really were. They were a people who made repeated promises, and yet a people who were not equipped to follow through with their word—a people who murmured and grumbled at every test God placed in their path. Hence, the lesson of their wilderness trials was for them to know what was in their hearts—to know themselves. (See Deuteronomy 8:2) Like His people of old, I did not know myself very well. As a result, I spent years making repeated attempts at pleasing God, and inevitably failing. Finally in desperation, I gave up. I had reached the end of myself. I threw in the towel and admitted total defeat. This was seven years ago, but what I did not know at the time was that the end of myself is the very place where God begins.
I was now ready to learn what I had been so reluctant to accept in the past. As a result, God began to make drastic changes in my life, both external and internal. Though at times it felt more like I was clinging on for dear life rather than just learning to follow the leading of the Spirit, the results slowly began to be manifest. Over the period of the next few years, I entered into what I had yearned for: growth and maturity in spirit. I must admit that this growth was not without cost, but what price can be put on things of an eternal value? What is too high a price for that which is pleasing to the Lord?
It was during this time that the Lord brought a brother to me to assist in laying the foundation that was needed for my growth in the Lord. He tutored me on the importance of daily devotions in the Word and the need for quiet times. As these began to have an effect on my walk and fellowship with the Lord, they also kindled a strong inward desire to read and learn even more. After a few years, when these disciplines that I would need to cary me forward throughout the rest of my spiritual life were thoroughly instilled in me, the Lord was gracious in bringing before me a number of saints who took notice of what had now become an intense desire to know and understand more of the Lord. Counsel was offered that I read the works of someone I had never heard of, a man named Watchman Nee. It was explained to me that his understanding of the Lord and spiritual matters went very deep. After having had his name confirmed by a number of witnesses, I followed the advice and purchased a few of his books at the local bookstore.
As I began reading, I could sense in my spirit that this man had come to know God in a very intimate way. However, his work was not what I would consider quick reading, and much of it was quite difficult to grasp. It was not until a year or two later that I fully came to understand why: it is difficult for the flesh to grasp the things of the spirit. Nevertheless, I was not about to let that deter me, so I continued to consume as much as I could of the writings of Watchman Nee. That was in 1994. By the end of 1996, I was finishing the last of what was available through the local bookstore, which amounted to over sixty books. To this day, I have not ceased being thankful to the Lord for this servant and for having access to the insights he has given.
Though I have read the works of many Christian authors, there are few who come close to Watchman Nee in their depth of understanding and, more specifically, in their ability to expound upon the subjective, practical experiences that are inherent in spiritual life. No matter what stage a Christian is in as far as his walk and maturity, the strengths and weaknesses of each are examined in detail throughout Nee's writings—which leads us to the reason you have this book before you. As I was nearing the end of what was available by Watchman Nee, the Lord laid a burden on my heart to share some of the many wonderful insights that had been so helpful to me in my spiritual walk and growth. And though I had the desire to share, it grieved me that the average Christian would never have the time and the opportunity to be fed with the most meat of the Word as I had been through his prolific writings. For this reason, I set about to extract many of those powerful insights, combining them into a book that would facilitate their being made readily available to the body of Christ, as well as in a format that was easy to consume.
The result is before you. It is my prayer that the Lord would bless you through this compilation as much as I was blessed through my reading of the original works of this humble and faithful servant of the Lord."
—Sentinel Kulp
–Testimony taken from the Preface of Secrets to Spiritual Power, from the writings of Watchman Nee compiled by Sentinel Kulp.